


I've Never Loved Anyone More

by Destroyingtocreate



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Bonding, Happy Ending, Hurt, M/M, Marriage, Mating, Mention of kids, Pain, Sad!Derek, Separation, True Love, happiness, no wedding ring, slight plot?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 05:32:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7832290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destroyingtocreate/pseuds/Destroyingtocreate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles leaves Derek. Derek can't seem to move on from his one true love but tries. Derek sees Stiles in the grocery store for the first time in two years.</p><p>Happy Ending! 8k + of ramblings</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Never Loved Anyone More

The tension in Derek’s shoulders is so tight, he can’t breathe. His chest is closing off, his lungs not functioning like they should. He’s frozen, paralyzed where he is, the box of raisin bran is no longer in his hand, probably the object that he felt land on his feet. His eyes are unable to blink as he looked onward.

Stiles stands at the end of the aisle, unaware of Derek as he hums a tone Derek knows well from all the years of him humming it. The song, “I’m gonna be” by the proclaimers, had played on repeat in the car for six months straight. It was the only song that had been on the CD Stiles had made. Stiles didn’t even know he hummed it anymore. The song had become a part of him, just another involuntary motion he did as if it were blinking. 

Besides the humming, Derek notices Stiles’ hair first. The brown locks still the same looking as soft as when Derek would brush his hands through it or use it to pull Stiles into a deeper kiss. They were still long, the length Stiles finally decided he liked and kept it at. He never buzzed his hair after he had become the nogitsune.

And his eyes, god, those beautiful, brown eyes that had learned every crease and twitch of Derek’s face, those eyes that could just look at something and be able to tell what he knew about it. Those were the same eyes that lit up in delight. They were the ones that would sparkle in the moon light or cloud over in anger and still looked just as beautiful. Derek still lost himself in them after almost two years of not seeing them. Those eyes weren’t even glancing at Derek, but at the granola bars placed on the end of the cereal aisle.

Derek’s heart ached almost as bad as when Stiles had left him, all alone in the house they built together. It had been almost two years since Derek had laid eyes on the man he vowed himself to and loved more than he loved life. Stiles was his life.

Stiles was.

Stiles isn’t anymore.

Derek stood there, staring, uncaring that anyone could see him watching this other man so intensely. It had been so long and no time at all as Stiles was only fifty feet from him. With him so close, it was like he had never left, but when he had been away, it was as if Derek had lived a hundred lives. Time had always been a difficult reading for Derek. Time could be forever or just one second even if time was always the same length. The feeling of time was what stumped Derek and two years without Stiles, what had Derek done with his life before Stiles?

Watching the younger man was like telling Derek that his family was dead all over again. He wasn’t allowed near this man; he could only watch from a distance. No matter what, Derek had promised to stay away from Stiles, never talk to him or ask anyone for information about him. Derek had promised Scott this as per Stiles’ request.

And he hadn’t broken that promise. He had followed all of Stiles’ wishes because even as Stiles broke his heart, he still loved him and would always love him. Derek would do anything to make sure Stiles stayed happy even if it was the most difficult task Derek had ever done. It was even harder than dealing with the alpha pack or a possessed Stiles. Never talking or touching Stiles, not hearing his voice or being able to smell his hypnotizing scent was heartbreaking.

Stiles looked so happy, tapping the palm of his hand on the cart as he looked at his choices. Derek knew Stiles liked to do this, look over his options even though he always picked the same Nature Valley Crunchy Oats n’ Honey. Stiles always did this before picking up the kind he liked. And Derek liked to watch him do it. Derek always stood patiently as Stiles skimmed and talked about what he liked in each of the flavors. It was something they had always done together late at night when Stiles was hungry and couldn’t sleep because the nightmares made him jiggery from even attempting to lie down.

Derek watched as Stiles skimmed his finger over the other Nature Valley flavors. Those long, skinny fingers that Stiles knew how to use on Derek. Those same fingers once caressed Derek’s cheek late at night when Derek was stressed or upset. Those were the fingers that had found Derek’s most ticklish spot on his ribcage. And goddammit, it were those same long, gorgeous things that knew just how to pleasure Derek until he was a mess, screaming and writhing around waiting for some type of release.

And they were no longer Derek’s fingers. They no longer caressed or held or brushed, not even were looked at by Derek. They didn’t make Derek coffee in the morning or skim the top of Derek’s cinnamon bun through the frosting and make their way greedily to Stiles’ mouth, where Stiles sucked on them as he stared at Derek with that taunting smile that Derek could never resist.

Derek was a fucking mess, staring at the spot that once held the vows they had taken together promising forever. That was the spot where Derek would kiss and hold up into the light late at night to make sure it was real and now was nothing but a naked, empty reminder that Stiles was not Derek’s, a reminder that Derek meant nothing.

All the work Derek had put into moving on in the past two years was shattered by Stiles walking into a place they shopped at regularly together, goofing off and having fun. Derek had avoided these places they went to together for the first year of Stiles being gone. Counseling had made Derek realize he couldn’t stop his life and finally stopped driving forty five minutes to get milk just so he wouldn’t have to accidently run into this other man. It also helped Derek stop avoiding it when Scott had let it slip that Stiles was no longer in the United States.

He had stopped going out of his way altogether once he had heard from Scott that Stiles had left the country on a two year program for college, the final adventure in his last years of his masters. Stiles had left for Europe and then Africa only two weeks after he took his ring off in front of Derek and left for the final time out the door they had put up together. Derek had been the one to encourage Stiles to go back to school after taking two years off.

And Stiles was gone within his second year of getting his master’s degree.

Derek smiled sadly just wishing that Stiles had gotten what he wanted and needed even if it was without him. Nothing mattered more to Derek than Stiles’ happiness even after all that happened. Derek wanted Stiles to be happy more than he wanted himself to be happy. Stiles had been the only thing to make Derek feel like another human being that belonged on this planet and it didn’t matter now that he was gone. Derek was back to becoming nothing by air. Stiles still looked like the same boy, now a man, he had always been. At least if he felt human then he deserved to be a happy one.

What made Derek suck in air was when he finally looked over Stiles as a whole, taking in his entire frame and found that the shirt Stiles was wearing, was one of Derek’s old band tee shirts from high school. It had been stuffed in Derek’s locker and was all the clothes he had left from his childhood. And Stiles was wearing it.

As he was wearing Derek’s leather jacket, the one Derek had let Stiles borrow the night before their tragic ending so Stiles could go to the store as it down poured. Derek hadn’t been able to find it, not that he had even looked for it as it had always been a reminder of how much Stiles loved it and wore it each chance he could. Derek had told him not to wear it, but Stiles could always tell Derek’s serious voice from his grumpy, joking voice. Stiles’ sweet scent was ingrained in it. It had taken long enough to get the smell of Stiles out of their- Derek’s- home.

Derek dropped his basket on the ground and left, practically running out of the store. It was all too much. His head was spinning. The world he finally built up had begun to not only crumble, but fall into a hole in the ground. He couldn’t even open the door to his Camaro as his hands shook so hard, they kept slipping from his fingers onto the ground that felt like it was moving like jello. After getting angry enough, he banged his head off of the roof of the car and took a deep breath.

Stiles had been the one to leave, but Derek still had to live. He had to survive without his anchor, his only source of light in the world. He had to go on without his mate because that’s how Stiles had wanted it. If Stiles could move on, so could Derek. And Derek was just learning to walk again and be alone when Stiles had to come back in and knock him down all over again.

Finally, with a clenched fist slowly released, Derek’s shaking stopped just enough for him to slip the key into the door and give him the escape he needed.

Their, his, house was only fifteen minutes, but Derek was pulling into the dirt driveway before he could even blink, so it felt. Derek wasn’t even sure how he made it back without killing anyone. He couldn’t remember any of the trip or even if he had stopped at the red light or the stop signs. He wasn’t sure what speed he was going or if his seatbelt had been on. 

It didn’t matter. He threw his keys into the cup holder and ran for the house, shutting himself into the box of misery he called home. The sun was bright outside, but making its way down for the august night. Derek had planned to make dinner, which had included the store visit, but it didn’t matter as he lost his appetite quickly, not even bothered with the kitchen.

Looking around his house, something he never let himself do, he realized that Stiles could never completely leave his life. The house they had built by hand together, board by board, was filled with Stiles’ decorating skills. All the photos hanging from the walls were from Stiles who had spent far too long measuring and gridding out how he would place them along which wall he chose. Derek remembered how late Stiles had stayed up trying to pick which photo of Derek and him to place in the living room, the last photo to go up, a gap on the wall surrounded by all of their friends and family, the pack members.

The curtains had been Stiles’ idea, Derek not caring if there were any at all. Derek didn’t think he would like brown in the red room (also Stiles’ idea), but once Stiles had put them up, swearing the entire time, they were beautiful and Derek didn’t have the heart to remove them.

Derek plopped down on the couch, trying to ease the tight pressure that squeezed his heart so hard he was sure it would burst and kill him. He could withstand getting shot or stabbed, but his aching heart for Stiles, his mate, his love, soulmate, could be what finally killed him. Derek was over the days of crying. He was over being angry at the other man and he was sick of wasting the time he had thinking of Stiles.

No matter how much time past, he was sure he would never stop thinking about his completely.

But that, the not crying or getting angry, was all easy to do when Stiles wasn’t right in front of him. It had been more than a year since he had even glanced at the photos on the wall and yet he found himself staring at the photo Stiles had hung of the two of them. The photo didn’t do any justice of Stiles’ beautiful face, but it had been sunny and Stiles and Derek had been turning their heads from the sun, smiling at a joke Stiles had heard and was relaying to Derek. They both were mid-laugh, more so Derek as Stiles pulled out his camera and smiled widely in a surprise photo. The sun cut in perfectly, making Stiles’ eye glow into that honey, amber color that Derek wanted to drown in.

Derek couldn’t remember lying down, but his body was flat on the couch. He didn’t know how long he had been lying there, but the photograph had become more difficult to see as the sun went down and the moon came up, only half-full. If it had been completely full, Derek would have been outside running and howling into the forest, but tonight was not that night.

Derek felt empty. All of his feelings finally drained out. He was too tired to feel anymore. His body gave up, but it wouldn’t let him sleep. He was deflated, beaten, and just plain exhausted from what had happened. Derek wasn’t even thinking anymore as it only made him more tired, which was barely possible. If he became any more tired, he was sure to disintegrate into ash.

A car rattled onto the driveway, diverting from the main road. Derek listened to it bump its way to the house, but didn’t give it any interest or thought. Any of the pack members could be driving up to the house at any point in the night. He was getting used to it. Since Stiles left, the pack liked to check up on Derek often, even in the middle of the night to make sure he was still breathing or not burning down the house, which had almost happened twice if not for Scott or Erica coming to stop him. Sometimes it was just for company on the late nights that they could sense he was struggling through. These days, Derek was sure everyone just felt sorry for him.

The car seemed to jerk to a stop, skidding a few feet on the rocks and the engine shut off, making it quiet once again outside the window. Derek didn’t even register the slamming door or the loud, hard steps up to the house. He could hear a knocking on the door in the distance in his mind, but the noise didn’t register to him as no one knocked anymore. Maybe he was imaging it.

The knocking turned into pounding after a long time. Derek finally came out of his depressing coma long enough to realize that whoever was at the door was not one of his pack mates. They always were very vocal when they came around and let themselves in even with Derek protesting.

Derek waited for one more knock, hoping that whoever they were, they would disappear. But it didn’t happen and he pulled himself up and made his way to the door with quiet feet. Even with him in the house, it still sounded as if it were abandoned as Derek made no noise at all. The house didn’t even creak as he took steps, too new to be worn down yet.

Finally, Derek made it to the door. He sighed and hoped he wouldn’t have to talk. He swung the door open, feeling only a slight emotion of annoyance. Derek didn’t know what time it was, but he was sure since the sky was still dark that it was no time for average citizens to bother him. The moon was even high in the sky telling him it was much later than he thought.

Before he could even get the door all the way open, a waft of Stiles’ warm scent with anxiety and nerves pushed through the doorway and back into the home Derek had spent so long trying to get rid of. Derek was immediately awake and dragged his eyes from the floor to the person standing just over the threshold.

“Hi,” Stiles smiled hesitantly.

Derek couldn’t imagine that he wasn’t dreaming. Only his mind could be this awful to him. That was the main reason he didn’t sleep very much. Stiles wasn’t physically there, but he sure was mentally around. No matter where Derek turned, somewhere Stiles was left, little pieces of him everywhere in everything. Every object, every place, was a reminder to Derek.

Derek blinked far too many times to make the image change that was before him. Stiles didn’t seem to move. He looked uncomfortable, doing that thing he did with his head shrinking into his shoulders and his hands in his pockets. He wasn’t just uncomfortable, he was nervous and scared. The smell was all over him. If this was real, Derek would have wrinkled his nose at the unpleasant smell of it.

It was surreal. Derek was sure he was dreaming. Too many times his brain had done this to him, so many goddamn times that Derek should have just gone back to the couch to stare off into the room like he had been, like he always did.

“So, can I come in?” Stiles asked after far too many minutes of silence shared between them.

Derek didn’t move from the door. He was just as frozen as he had been at the store. Stiles stood waiting for an answer and when he didn’t get one, he licked his lips and his hand ran through his hair like it did when he was nervous and irritated. Derek always squeezed his shoulders to release the tension or made Stiles coffee. Sometimes they would slow dance or cuddle up on the couch for a movie.

He used to do these things.

“Look, Derek,” Stiles started. “I know I was an asshole and I probably still am, but I fucking miss you. I miss my husband and our home.”

Derek couldn’t stop his heart from tripping and picking up speed or his anxiety from twisting his chest until it was too hard to breathe. This couldn’t be real. There was no way after everything Stiles had done to hurt Derek that he would come back just like that. It was too simple.

Stiles continued talking even if Derek was too far away in his thoughts to fully listen. This didn’t make any sense.

“I left with us angry at each other. I didn’t want to do that. I knew better. I left behind the best thing I had ever had to go off into the world. I was scared and a child.” Stiles ducked his head, the universal sign for Derek to know Stiles really was sorry, but didn’t know what to say to change things.

“I shouldn’t have left.” Stiles said. “I shouldn’t have given up my perfect life. I shouldn’t have and I did and I fucking miss you, Derek. I miss you so much that each night I go to sleep, I hold your jacket in my arms and I cry all the fucking time. Jesus, no one knew what to do with me.” Stiles’ jaw clenched and worked itself around as if he was trying to hold himself back.

Derek used to do that. Now he didn’t even know the feeling of anger. There was nothing for him to hold back. He was lost, wandering and working through motions that kept him surviving. The body did a great thing by knowing how to keep itself alive, but it also was killing Derek.

“I cried over my coffee every single day. I still do. Showering without thinking of that last time you pushed me into the tiles and kissed me so hard I had bruises is still in my mind. I can’t even properly shower without falling apart.”

Derek didn’t even move. He wasn’t even sure he was breathing. This had to be some sick prank. His life had always been a joke. Nothing ever went his way in the end. All the beautiful, wonderful things he had always left his life without a warning.

Stiles sighed. “I just, Derek,” Stiles finally broke at saying his name. “I love you and I always have and I was selfish to leave you. Scott told me how hard it has been for you. I caused you that pain. I knew better, but I just had this urge to go and do this one last big hurray before I got too old to do it and all these fucking things in my head,” Stiles was standing in front of Derek bawling like a child. “I’m scared to grow up, but I want to grow up with you. You always made me feel safe.”

Derek could barely look at Stiles, but looking away from this dream would make it all go away. The pain of having this little miracle, even if it was a dream, was something Derek needed. The ache and earth-shattering pain was worth every second as he kept his eyes on the man he loved.

“I screwed up and I know you have every right to spit on me and hate me. I hate me, too. I fucking hate myself.” Stiles only got louder as he spoke about himself. “I messed everything up and I can’t live without knowing that you don’t want me. If you don’t want me anymore, I’ll go and never come back. I just need to know,” Stiles whispered with red eyes.

It hurt so badly for Derek to be watching this scene before him. Even if this was real, even if it was a dream, Derek didn’t know what was worse. If this was a dream, his mind hated him so much that it would make up this awful encounter. If this was real, Stiles was being genuine and actually was standing in front of him hurt and upset.

“Do you still love me?” Stiles looked up from the ground through those long, spectacular eyelashes that Derek used to skim over with his fingers.

The silence was too difficult. Derek wished he could continue hearing that sweet, low voice he loved so much, but it had stopped and he was suddenly panicking that he would never hear that voice again.

Stiles only waited, biting that bottom lip of his just as he always had. He must have been worrying at it for a while as it was bright red, the same shade Derek used to make it when he kissed the younger man too long. The skin was chapped, peeling off as he continued to worry at it from between his teeth.

“I’m sorry, Derek,” Stiles whispered, his voice breaking with tears falling down his cheeks.

Derek couldn’t take it anymore. If this was only a dream, he would have woken up by now. He always woke up. But this time, he wasn’t waking up.

Slowly, he raised his hand and without realizing how close they actually were standing, Derek brushed his finger gently, so carefully it was barely a ghost of a touch, over Stiles’ cheek. Stiles only sucked in a breath and held it as Derek touched him. The touch was too much and not enough for Derek.

The touch felt so real, he couldn’t imagine waking up. His world would start all over again just like when Stiles had first left. Derek took the smallest step toward Stiles knowing that he shouldn’t, but hoping that this would finally release Derek from the pain that was left.

“Jesus Christ, you’re only standing in front of me and I’m hard. Do you know what you do to me, Derek?”

A soft chuckle, the first one since Stiles left, spilled from Derek’s lips.

That was all Stiles needed, unable to hold himself back any longer. He threw himself, literally, into Derek’s arms, squeezing with everything he had. Derek couldn’t tell if he was holding all of his weight or if Stiles was floating. The Stiles Derek had was a little bit lighter, but also still gangly and less sure of himself. This hug was surer than any other hug Stiles had given him before.

This had never happened in any of Derek’s other scenarios that had played over and over in his head. Never had he been able to smell, touch, see, and hear Stiles all at the same time.

A band broke within Derek. It was as if the fog was blown away from one breath to another. The pressure of Stiles against him, the perfect fitting body against his, touching all the right places. Everything seemed right to Derek and he finally stopped falling, landing hard on his feet.

“Stiles?” Derek whispered, scared that his mind had gone further than ever before in his pathetic attempt at bringing Stiles back.

A sob escaped Stiles. “Derek.”

Stiles was fully crying as Derek became aware of all of the new things that were happening. He was in his home, their home and Stiles was holding Derek. The air smelled right for the first time in two years. The room was dark, but full of so much light, Derek could feel himself lifting from the black hole he had been stuck in for so long.

“Stiles,” Derek finally wrapped his arms around his husband. “Stiles, is this… are you really here?”

Stiles gave a small huff in happiness. “Yes, Derek. I’m really here.”

“You were gone and I was so lost.” Derek whispered into Stiles’ hair, running his hand into the younger man’s hair where he pushed it closer to him. Stiles didn’t seem to mind. He nuzzled his face into the crook of Derek’s neck. It was the exact place Derek liked his kisses, but just the warmth of Stiles’ breaths was more than enough.

Derek hadn’t realized he had been cold for all those months, but the warmth radiating from Stiles made Derek shiver as he finally began to thaw. 

“I know, but I’m here and I’m never going anywhere without you again. I was a fucking idiot and I ruined everything like I always do.”

Derek couldn’t help but burrow himself into Stiles, unable to get as close as he wanted. Derek could never be as close to Stiles as he wanted, but this was closer than he had been in a long time and it felt unreasonably good.

“I love you, Stiles. I love you.”

“Derek,” Stiles pulled back enough to get his hands on Derek’s face. “I love you so fucking much. I can’t live without you. I tried and I can’t do it.” Stiles sobbed again. “I can’t do it, Derek.”

“I love you,” Derek said again, realizing how easy and nice it was to say. He never wanted to stop saying those three words ever again.

Stiles smiled that brilliant smile that lit up Derek’s life. Those perfect teeth were something Derek never expected to miss, but he had. Teeth, Derek had missed teeth.

Before Derek could even get a breath, Stiles crushed his lips into Derek’s. It was just right even after two years of their lips not meeting. It was as if they were magnetic and connected just as they should, although Stiles seemed to want the kiss to be hard when Derek just wanted to remember and remember the feeling forever.

Kissing Stiles felt like Derek had had him since the beginning. It was as if Stiles had never left. Derek grabbed onto Stiles’ face, pulling it toward him holding it firmly. Stiles ran his hands down Derek’s sides, briefly touching Derek’s ticklish spot before making his way down to his hips and around his waist where he pulled their bodies together even if their bodies were touching.

“Derek,” Stiles breathed his name when Derek pulled away from his lips to kiss all over his face.

Drawing their faces away from each other was difficult, but Derek had to look over Stiles’ face, make sure he was okay. Stiles gave a soft smile, his eyes looking sad. Tears were running down his red cheeks.

“You’re sad.” Derek stated.

“I missed you and it’s just so surreal to me that I’m in our home with you again. It was so hard to be away. I don’t even know why I left.”

Stiles brought his hands to wipe away the tears with the back of his hand, but Derek pushed them away. Stiles didn’t seem to fight it and let Derek sweep his thumbs over the trails across his cheeks.

“Our home,” Derek smiled. “Our home.” It sounded so nice to say it and have it mean something again.

Stiles laughed out loud. “I think I can hear you purring. So, you’re okay with me being here? I can leave-“ Stiles points his thumb back towards the door.

Derek growled and pulled Stiles into the house and slammed the door. Derek bent down, placing his forearms underneath the tiny, perky butt and picked Stiles up, growling at the fake protest Stiles gave. They made their way up the stairs, a place Derek didn’t go anymore. He pushed their bedroom door open with a hand he reluctantly released from Stiles’ back, but placed back as soon as he could.

The floor was still a wreck from when Stiles had pulled everything apart collecting clothes and items he needed in order to leave. Derek hadn’t even gone in the room. He had bought himself new clothes to wear and a new charger for his phone instead of going back into the bedroom.

Stiles wiggled his way from Derek’s arms which only made Derek whimper at the loss of contact. It’s not as if Stiles was going anywhere by the looks of things, but Derek felt like this was real when Stiles was touching him. The contact of their bodies made it all real.

“You didn’t stay in here?” Stiles asked, picking up a drawer that had been pulled from the dresser.

Derek watched as he slowly picked up the mess he had left. “No.”

Stiles examined clothes he had left behind. He picked up the photo of the two of them that he had slammed face down into the dresser top. Stiles gently brushed over Derek’s socks that he had set down that day Stiles had been packing to leave. Those socks hadn’t moved since. Looking around, the room was only a reminder of failure and disaster. Derek hated it.

“Is the bathroom still-“

“Yes,” Derek answered. “I didn’t come up here after.” Derek’s voice was somber as he watched Stiles move around.

Opening the bathroom door connected to their room, Stiles seemed to take a breath of shock and released it slowly with a nod as he remember that it had been him to squeeze out all of the soap bottles all over the room and smash the glass cologne Derek had gotten for Stiles for Christmas the year before. Derek remembers the scene of it all very well. He didn’t need to look to know the mess that had been made. The image in his head was plenty enough of a reminder, fresh in his mind like it happened only minutes before.

“I’m sorry,” Stiles carefully expressed himself in just the quiet way he spoke those words aloud.

Stiles had kicked a trail away from Derek in the mountains of clothes that laid on the carpet. Stiles took the same trail back into Derek’s space.

“It doesn’t matter now,” Derek pulled Stiles into him.

“But it does,” Stiles choked. “I did this. I hurt you. I made this place of love a place of, of… I don’t know.”

Derek considered this as Stiles buried his face into Derek’s neck. Even if the last time they had been in this place had been a bad memory, this time they were together in… not happiness, although Derek did feel pretty elated to have Stiles back. They weren’t fighting and that’s what counted. At least Derek was touching Stiles this time. Last time Derek had tried to grab Stiles to stop, Stiles had slapped Derek hard enough for Derek to feel the sting even if it was only for a moment. The pain of the slap probably hurt Stiles more than it had hurt Derek, but it never showed because Stiles continued packing and barking the most hurtful things Derek could only imagine to be true. Derek would never have said those things to Stiles.

It didn’t matter. At least they were on seemingly good terms.

“Will you take me to bed, Derek Hale?” Stiles breathed into Derek’s ear.

Derek didn’t mind picking Stiles up with a harder grip than ever before and throwing him onto their mattress a little too forcefully. Derek and Stiles had been aggressive together before, but this time was different. This time their touches were harder, bruising and painful. Stiles didn’t seem to mind as his nose wrinkled like it did when he was thinking extremely inappropriate thoughts with that smile that Derek was sure would break the entire world population into tiny crumbs.

Derek didn’t think twice about all the things that had happened. He didn’t think about their fight. He didn’t think of Stiles’ missing ring or how lonely he had been. Derek was sure he heard his shirt tear as he pulled it off too quickly so he could get his gaze back on Stiles faster.

“Ugh,” Stiles groaned and threw his head back into the unmade bed. “That chest still makes me want to cum from just looking at it.”

Derek smiled at how much he still had that power of Stiles. Stiles didn’t look back at Derek, but instead seemed to be trying to keep his hips still as they wanted friction. Derek was happy to climb on top of Stiles and push their crotches together to give Stiles a little tease. He wasn’t expecting it to feel like a tease to himself, too. It had been far too long for both of them.

“Derek, I expected this night to go differently. Maybe have the front door slammed into my face or have you chase me away. I even thought…” Stiles trailed off as Derek kissed each mole on Stiles’ neck and face that he missed so much.

“Hmm?” Derek lifted his head to look down into those beautiful brown eyes. It didn’t matter that everything Stiles was saying was a lie in Derek’s head, Derek would never slam the door in Stiles’ face, and it was almost too much for Derek to interrupt him. Derek had learned a lot about communicating while this man he loved was away.

“I thought… maybe you, I thought you might have found someone…” Stiles looked down to where Derek was growing hard between them, although it was more in a thoughtful, sad way than a looking like he was interested. Stiles was looking right through him as he thought. “I thought you would have someone else in our home.”

Derek couldn’t help himself when he whimpered and lapped as Stiles’ throat. It was so sad that Stiles thought so poorly of Derek.

“I would never.” Derek kissed Stiles’ nose and continued on his path of kissing all the moles he hadn’t yet kissed. The one next to Stiles’ ear still made Stiles have a soft moan on his lips.

Stiles gripped Derek’s face hard, not at all afraid to take charge. Derek watched Stiles for a moment, unsure of what he was going to do. All that he knew was that Stiles was looking him over, searching for something in his face that told him that Derek didn’t want him anymore.

Stiles didn’t find anything and before Derek could say anything, Stiles pulled Derek’s face to his, a little too hard as they clunked heads. It barely fazed Stiles as he kissed Derek’s mouth harder than he ever had. It only turned Derek on more to find this man taking charge. Stiles seemed to always feel insignificantly less experienced and definitely wasn’t confident in bed, but something had changed between them and Derek was very happy to give over that control.

Neither one could help it when they began rocking their hips together. The friction was enough to have Derek breathing harder. No one but himself touching his cock in two years was far too long. It was hard enough to not cum in his pants from just their uncoordinated thrusts. 

Derek sat up on his knees, forcing himself to stop. Stiles whined like he always did when Derek stopped. The shirt Stiles was wearing was Derek’s and it looked adorable on Stiles’ thin frame. Derek loved how it looked, but he wanted to look at Stiles’ bare, white, freckle covered chest.

Without taking his gaze from Stiles’, he ran his hands up Stiles’ sides, sliding the shirt up with his hands. Stiles couldn’t seem to stop himself from shivering from the touch or the jerking of his hips at the pressure that was applied as Derek sat over his crotch.

It seemed to take forever to have the shirt taken off, but Derek wanted to watch Stiles’ chest appear, savor the way it showed up.

“Derek,” Stiles whined in annoyance. “Just take it off already.”

The grin Derek gave Stiles was enough for Stiles to groan and throw his head back. That grin told Stiles all he needed to know. This was going to be a slow process. This would take as long as Derek wanted it to.

Until Stiles sat up just enough to grab the shirt and take it off himself. He did it so fast, Derek didn’t even have time to move Stiles’ hands away. Derek looked sadly after the shirt that had been thrown away, but had his eyes averted back when Stiles thrust up into Derek.

The room was dark, but enough light came in from outside that Derek could see the light glimmer off the silver object on a chain hanging around Stiles’ neck. Derek’s breath was stuck in his throat as he reached for the object, his hands steady for the first time since their separation.

“You still have it.” Derek stated as he picked up the ring that was warm, not cold like he would expect a ring of failed marriage to be.

“Of course. I never divorced you, Derek Andrew Hale. I still love you. I still want us to work out in the end. I have faith that we can fix this.”

Derek found the clasp for the chain and removed it, taking the ring off and throwing the chain elsewhere. 

“Dere-“ Stiles tried to protest and go after the chain.

Derek covered his mouth with the palm of his hand. The chain didn’t matter. It could be found another time.

“Shh.”

Stiles didn’t seem to care all that much, so he became silent as he laid down. Once Derek was satisfied that he wasn’t going to move, he picked up Stiles’ left hand.

“I do, Stiles Stilinski. Until the day I die, I do.”

Derek slipped the ring slowly down Stiles’ ring finger finding that it went easily back into its spot. Derek pushed himself higher off Stiles so he could dig into his pocket and pull out his own silver ring. He placed it carefully in Stiles’ hand.

“You keep yours on you?” Stiles whispered.

“I never go anywhere without it.” Derek stated, looking at the ring that Stiles had picked out for him four years ago, almost five by now. It had taken Stiles far too long to find a ring he liked for Derek. He had told Derek that he couldn’t properly marry him if the ring wasn’t perfect. Derek had told him that he would marry Stiles even if they were wearing bread ties. Stiles had thrown bread ties at Derek for weeks after that.

It took a long time for Stiles to stop smiling and grab Derek’s hand.

“I do, Derek Andrew Hale. I do.” 

With the slip of the ring onto his finger, Stiles sat up and hugged Derek so fiercely that Derek was sure this wasn’t his husband. The man he married had been less strong and definitely couldn’t squeeze Derek into a pretzel, not that he couldn’t handle it.

For the first time in two years, Derek could breathe. He was holding onto everything he ever needed in his arms. And he didn’t care what Stiles wanted, he wasn’t letting go ever again, no matter how much Stiles wanted to leave. Stiles wasn’t ever going to the store without Derek again. He wasn’t even allowed to shower without Derek in the room because Derek couldn’t handle his heart breaking again.

“Hey, I know we have a lot to work out and this is going to be a difficult time for us and we have to do all that boring couple work people do when they fight,” Stiles started, a twinkle of excitement in his eyes. “But, while I was in Africa,”

Not like that didn’t make Derek flinch.

“I spent time with these orphaned kids who took care of each other. The older ones do what they can, but the little ones are just so cute and they’re suffering and Derek!” Stiles shouted, making Derek smile at his happiness. “I spent a lot of time teaching them to read and they taught me so many things that you’ll have to learn like when they make this dish, I don’t know what it’s called…”

Derek couldn’t do anything more than look down at the love of his life. His eyes were glowing and he rambled on just as he had as a teenager. Some things never changed and Derek was glad for it. Derek didn’t even bother keeping up with Stiles, just glad that Stiles was right there, excited and happy as if nothing had happened between them. He would hear it all again, he was sure.

Even if they had separated for two years, they never had been normal. They could go without talking in the same house for days or not see each other every second, but they always came back. Derek and Stiles were something that no one else had ever seen, although Derek was sure this was a lie. 

The world would crumble and they would always find their way back to each other. And Derek wasn’t a cliché kind of guy, but it was true. They had countless encounters of this happening over the years and Derek wasn’t sure why he had been worried that Stiles wouldn’t come back. It was Stiles’ first time having a meltdown and ruining something. Derek should expect it.

It was all easy to say, but when Stiles had been gone, another whole world had become the truth. Each night Derek was alone with no one to talk with as he fell asleep, or should he think, no one to talk to him until he fell asleep.

Nothing mattered, the fighting or the loneliness. What mattered was that Derek was touching Stiles and could hear his voice filling his head after so many days of silence. Derek could smell that clean laundry smell with perspiration and curly fries.

“Derek, can we have a baby?” Stiles ripped Derek from his thoughts.

“What?” Derek startled.

Stiles instantly drew back into himself like he was regretting his choice of saying such things. The energy Stiles had been giving off disappeared and turned into a still, quiet man. Derek was quick to change his mood back.

“I… Why are you asking me this now?” Derek furrowed his eyebrows.

It had crossed their minds before, the thought of adopting children or even having a surrogate, but it never seemed like a good idea. Derek wanted kids. He sometimes could still hear the children’s feet pattering on the floor from when he was younger. He missed the screaming fights even if he had hated them then.

Children had been a constant in his life. Babies were a different story, but they couldn’t be that much different. Screaming, needed to be fed and bathed. Nothing would fill the house and the horrid memories of separation and loneliness than children, ones that would be raised by Stiles and Derek. The kids could grow to talk like Stiles, funny and smart. And they could be taught to run through the woods, safe and secure with Derek under the full moon. Of course, Derek would never get the chance to have werewolf children, but humans, if anything like Stiles, strong, they would be fine. They would be more than fine. They would be loved and taken care of by two men who had plenty of time and surely enough money to make sure they don’t struggle.

But Stiles had only just come back. They had been without communication for months, almost two years. They had missed so much of each other’s lives. Did Stiles and Derek even know each other anymore? Derek loved Stiles and Stiles said he did, but what if they didn’t work anymore? What if they don’t work like a well-oiled machine like they once had?

So many thoughts crossed through Derek’s mind. It was too much to think about when Stiles had only been home an hour. Derek was too selfish to share, even if it was with Scott or the sheriff. Stiles was home. Stiles was in their bed, a space that had been left cold and unmade, still a mess from their last morning together before their fight.

“Derek,” Stiles gently placed his hands on Derek’s scratchy face. “You can say no. I know I made a mess of things, but I just,” He looked away. “I wish you had gone with me. I wish I hadn’t hurt our family.”

Derek could see the hurt on Stiles’ face. He could feel Stiles’ heartbeat. Stiles sounded genuine and it hurt Derek because he did know Stiles. They were mates for Christ’s sakes. When they were next to each other, Derek could read Stiles without having to even look at him. The senses of bonded mates through marriage worked a little different than if two humans were married. Of course, since Stiles was a human, although having a spark, made their relationship much stronger, but duller than two werewolves mating.

“Yes,” Derek kissed the tip of Stiles’ nose with a smile.

Stiles snapped his eyes back to Derek. “What?”

“Yes, yes, anything for you.” Derek nibbled at Stiles’ ear.

Derek liked kids. He loved Stiles. Nothing would be better than raising little ones with Stiles. There was no one Derek would even think of to raise children together with than this man in his arms.

Stiles skeptically stayed still for a moment as Derek nibbled at his skin.

“Derek,” Stiles yelled and sat up, Derek straddling his legs. He pulled their faces together so they were looking at each other. “Are you serious? Really, totally serious?”

“Yes,” Derek didn’t hesitate. “If you go to therapy with me.”

Stiles squinted an eye at Derek. For Derek, therapy was a huge deal. It had been the only thing to save Derek from completely losing his mind at the loss of such an important piece of himself. Derek didn’t know if he could save the marriage without the two of them going together. Talking about going to therapy wasn’t even embarrassing to talk about openly anymore. Derek often talked about it with Scott who had been the one to encourage and bring Derek to someone who would help him. The sheriff, who was still fond of Derek, let Derek call him and talk about it over beer and burgers.

“Of course, I will. If that’s what it takes. I will go. I want this to work, Der bear. I want us to work.”

“Do you still love me?” Derek finally asked, a question that had run through his mind for two years. Stiles had said the words, but Derek didn’t know if he was truly serious.

“Derek,” Stiles smiled openly. “I love you so much that my heart ached without you. I was so miserable, the other people around me were miserable. I love you. I didn’t realize how much you completed me until I was gone. I could feel the strain in the bond. It hurt, like, physically hurt, Derek.

“And I was reading a lot. This book said that only true mates could feel the bond inside of them. Regular mates hurt and ache, but I could feel the actual bond. It’s like a strand of yarn connecting us. But that’s not the point right now.”

Derek had never heard Stiles disregard his ramblings. He jumped from topic to topic, but never stopped and went back to what he had originally been talking about.

“I love you and I don’t care how mad I am or what you say, I’m not leaving you. I can’t. It’s physically impossible.”

The steady, fast pace of Stiles’ normal heart was all it took to gather Stiles up into Derek’s arms and squeeze in happiness. Stiles wasn’t lying. The aching in Derek’s chest, the connection between them, lessened and released its straining grasp. Both of them released their breaths like they had been holding it for all those years apart. The panic of each other never being together again disappeared within both of them.

The memories of those two years would take some time to heal, but the start of their recovering marriage was a relieving start to becoming happy together. Their flow of everyday life would soon become normal. Their problems could be worked out and if they could make it through alphas, possessions, kanimas, pixies, witches, and separation, they could make it through anything. Nothing would ever be too challenging as long as they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I had gotten the inspiration from another fic with the mention of Stiles not wearing his wedding ring. I can't remember it, but have some of my trash. 
> 
> It was written kind of fast over four days, so mistakes are around. I usually let my works sit for a few months so I can proof read them as if I hadn't written them, but I just want to share it. It was supposed to be a (maybe 2k) drabble, but I suck so much at those. They always end longer than planned.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Sterek Tumblr: creatingsterek  
> Main Tumblr: destroyingtocreate
> 
> Follow, send me good fics to read, say hi.  
> Kudos are nice.


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